10 years ago today, I was not a mom. nor was I expecting.  But I had long dreamed what that day would be like, from the test to the delivery and beyond.  I had fancies in my head & ambitions to do everything better for mine than could be done for me.

July 2001 I peed on that stick with shaking excitement replaced with an odd calm as my destiny was sealed with a tell tale | |   (double line)

March 2002 I welcomed, fairly effortlessly I may add, my 8lb5oz bundle of baby boy into my arms - I cried all over his perfect little face - I breathed in his smell, kissed all ten toes and all ten fingers. I nursed him as fast as I could, and while doing so continued my once over of every inch of his bitty self - I believe now this is primal in mothers as I repeated this for the 3 that followed after. PERFECT in every way.

March 2003 Happy 1st birthday.....A full year under his belt - and a baby sister in my tummy, I was content to let him explore his universe at his own pace disregarding some what the "books" say he should do & when.  He crawled, army style.  He walked, at 15 mos. He talked, in a language only we understood. But he knew colors, and all his shapes?

March 2004 The magic number 2.  Where you take stock of milestones and tho I am not a mom who compares, when there is another sibling in the mix, sometimes you see what your mind wouldn't. Differences. Subtle but there. And I could no longer be calmed with, "wait and sees"  At the 2 yr Dr appt I was looking for reassurance, instead we got a referral into Early Intervention and a evaluation for speech services.

March 2005 DISCHARGED!!! No longer in delay, at and above age level. Great News. or was it.  Finally in the company of Speech and Physical Therapists I had answers to some perplexing ?'s that I only talked to my husband about....

• why does he line up all of his Thomas Trains rather than play on the track with them....
• speaking of Thomas, I think he obsessed? is that possible at 2, this and Baby Einstein rule his world....
• he refuses to eat anything with a pudding, mashed potato type texture.....
• we can not go to stores and fairs and places with echo type noise where Ayden does not become shut down, ignoring the entire situation all together.....

And so I heard for the first time at the last meeting, and I quote, "well, he's pretty typical for a spectrum kiddo" 

Spectrum? What is that? What do I do? Basically, it meant my son has these funny things he does & a very different way of processing what he sees & hears in his environment. And because he does not score in the 3 areas they test for with more than a 33% delay - there is no formal diagnosis and nothing but my sheer will can help him.

And so began my journey into the multi faceted realm of Spectrum Disorders in the Rainbow that is Autism.  They say if you have met one child with Autism, then you have met 1 child with Autism. The Puzzle piece is symbolic of how uniquely different Each & Every child is that lives with ASD. And Equally different is our experiences as their parents from the diets, playing, therapies, teachers, doctors, friends, family, socializing, ostracizing, reading, researching, advocating & overwhelming world of ASD (nos)

But I know what is the same.  There comes a moment, a very hard moment.  You Give back to the Universe the dream You invented, the Expectations you attached to this little miracle long before you held them, you make way to learn, for real what it means to be a parent...Lucky are the families that live in the bliss of "Teaching their kids"  I live in the Blessing of being taught at every bend How to be a Mom.  My youngest 3 make it easy and Ayden makes me work for it, THAT is the only difference and 1 that I can live with.

I am so very passionate about this subject & getting No Child Left Behind thrown out.  On my best days I want to change the world on this topic, On my worst days I am overwhelmed and frazzled But I am NEVER defeated, as everyday I watch my son gather himself for that landmine of triggers called school with a smile as big as his face, ready to "try again"...so Shall I. 

I believe in Power in Numbers, so I hope you all find that here in this group - share what you know, ask what you don't, or just be comforted knowing you do not trek this road alone.