My father passed away last week. Although he had been sick for many years it has still left me in a bit of shock. The memories of him dancing me to sleep, the music, oh how he loved music, his incredible sense of humor and compassion around me were abundant and constant. He wasn't a perfect father and he had many flaws, but even with all of his imperfections he was still my daddy.
The loss runs deep, it makes me question my own mortality and the little precious time we have in this life. It has made me hold my children a moment longer when saying goodbye, and pause to smell the wet hair when they come out of the shower or the pool. It has made me want more than ever to grow old with my husband and take steps to make the world better. Within a week my world has transformed, a world in which I feel a little older and wiser, a world in which, I want to protect my children's innocence as much as I possibly can, and a world in which we realize that our parents are not super human but simply human...
As I lied beside my sweet four year old last night and she expressed she wanted to be 6 instead of four, I begged her to stay my baby, I held up my fingers and said that it goes by in a snap. I then listed her ages, through high school and marriage and continued to snap, explaining that before she she knew it, it would all fly by. She listened slightly amused and then let me hold her tight and long and in that moment I realized as I often do that this is what it is all about. The moments in between. Wouldn't it be nice if the snap could last a little bit longer... And with that I try and slow down, if for only today, and tomorrow,while feeling the loss of my poppa. It is through these losses that we can remember to be present and to forever be building the lifetime of memories that shall live through our children and to be their super heroes for as long as humanly possible.