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Moonfrye Family: I'll Take Two, Please by Sherri Kuhn

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Not long ago, we attended my niece's second birthday party. She had lots of little friends in attendance, several kiddie pools full of water and toys, and a huge pile of gifts all wrapped in pink.

It's been eleven years since my daughter was 2, so this party really took me back in time, tugged at my heart just a bit. Did it make me want to start all over again? Have a third child?

Let's just say that nothing makes you appreciate birth control more than attending a little kid's birthday party.

No, it made me want to be 2 again.

If I were a 2 year-old girl:

  • I would embrace my fat rolls as a sign of perfection and cuteness. Heck, I wouldn't just embrace them; I would rub my belly on request or happily raise my shirt to show off my bellybutton and muffin top.
  • Not only could I eat my cake, I could rub it into my hair, drop some for the dog, and even steal a bite of yours.
  • I wouldn't really care what people thought, because unless they were in charge of my meals or diapers, it wouldn't really matter to me.
  • Friends would be welcome to play with all of my toys, even the brand new ones, no questions asked.
  • Almost all of my outfits would be pink, eliminating the need for me to put much thought into what to wear.
  • I could party all day without a care in the world; yet nobody would judge me when I'd had enough and started to cry.
  • My best friend could be a stuffed animal, and nobody would think that was odd.
  • A tiara on my head wouldn't look out of place. Even one with feathers.
  • A juice box and a band aid would cure most of my worries.
  • I wouldn't need to shave my legs before I went in the pool.
  • Cellulite would just be a sign that I was healthy.
  • Everything that I needed would be provided for me, like magic. Clean clothes? Sure! Dinner? Coming right up!
  • I could say "No!" and it would be cute.
  • There would be no reason to stop the fun just because I had to go potty; at least until Mommy found out.
  • Opening the presents would be just as fun as actually playing with them.
  • People would ask me easy questions, like "Who's the Big Girl?" and "What does the kitty say?" instead of "What's for dinner?", "Where are my socks?", or my personal favorite "Why?".
  • I could wear a swimsuit with a ruffled skirt as a fashion statement, not to cover stuff up.
  • I wouldn't know anything about spider veins, fine lines and wrinkles, or gray hairs.
  • I would still believe in fairy tales.

Sherri Kuhn is a wife and mother, writer, lover of wine and cheese, coffee fanatic, and sometimes exerciser.  She writes at Old Tweener, a place that’s sometimes funny, often sarcastic, and requires tissues once in a while. She writes about raising teenagers, the craziness of being a middle-aged woman, the perils of a clean home, wistfulness over babies, and anything else that makes her laugh (or cry) in the years between changing diapers and wearing them. Find her on Twitter and Facebook.

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Comment by Hillary on March 25, 2012 at 9:00pm

This is hilarious...honestly, the muffin top line just put me away. 

Comment by Katie Hurley on March 22, 2012 at 12:25pm

Well...when you put it like that, it DOES sound like fun to be 2 again.  Sign me up!

Comment by Carpool Goddess on March 22, 2012 at 12:02pm

I love this post!  I really thought it was going to be about wanting a third (which has crossed my mind, but my kids are too old and so am I!). I want to be two again too!

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